Rock and Roll Papa

 This very exciting new concept's first release is the very impressive Book of spells.

The time is rapidly approaching when i have to see the doctors about my anti-depressants.
I have bean on 75mg for the past 4 months, which is nothing compared to wifey's 150mg's.
I have one more perscription left to order then i will need to discuss further treatment with the doctors.
I have a feeling they may try to slightly reduce them. Am i ready for this? No i dont think i am.
I have started to feel better since having a higher dose, but maybe it has been masking the feelings rather than help deal with them.

On a couple of occasions i have missed a dose. The darkness comes back rapidly. I become vacant, moody (though wifey would just say i'm just moody. But i'd say more noticably so), irritable, fidgety and anxious, and it really surprises me how fast it draws back in. It doesn't even take half a day.

I was seeing a thearpist and some of what i have leanrt has helped. It has certainly made me feel i can follow some steps.
I feel i have become happier, more helpful, more on the ball, more energetic.
I also feel that i'm acheiving more, which feels good.
It also feels great to be able to have more energy to spend and play with the girls.
I'm having trouble controlling some habbits like having my phone in my hand most of the time, and i need to try to organise myself better. At the same time taking controll of some habbits like hording. I am getting to grips with decluttering.

I'm starting to notice thing's more now to, like when wifey is showing signs of an attack so we can get help quicker.
I'm still having slight difficulty with memory but wifey would say that is down to too much ps3.
But it's one of my fondest habbits, hobbies.

So for now things seem to be looking up. wifey needs steriods asap and then a start date for new medication, but hopefully it will all happy.

Thanks for reading folks

                              

                                  Caution! Potential ugliness

 We met at the same work place which I had just started at and I was new to the town, and one of the first people to smile at me was her. Of course, I smiled back.
They say the first impression lasts, and I could not get that smile out of my head.
Later during that day I had a colleague come over to me and asked me if I was single and what is my phone number. This colleague was a 45 year old man and admittedly it was rather strange.
He soon saw the worried look on my face, and said nervously, laughing it wasn't for him. It was for a young lady on another department.
He took me over to meet her and I already had an idea who it was.
When we got the department I suddenly saw her. She saw me and threw herself to the floor. I chuckled and said OK and walked away. Within three minutes I had a text saying 'hey!'
I replied and we got talking. Within ten minutes she ask if i would like to go for a meal on the same evening. At some point we bumped into each other in a staff corridor and we arranged it. I think she had finished for the day and was going home. She looked very alternative like myself so I was quite excited. I counted down the minutes and went home and tried to look my best.
I then walked about a mile to the restaurant, it was an Indian restaurant and I was not keen on the idea.
 She got dropped off by her brother in law and we went to get seated. She took off her coat and sat down. She looked FANTASTIC! My heart was pounding and I was rather dizzy.
We ordered our food and got chatting, I kept telling myself to keep chatting and not let the conversation stop, no matter what rubbish I was saying. I really enjoyed my meal and enjoyed her company, I felt myself falling for her there and then. I then found out she was 19 and I was 24 so I kept thinking would this work? I stopped thinking about it and thought let's see how thing's go. We wrapped up the meal and she offered to pay, I said that wasn't necessary and I offered to pay. She went to pay and her card was declined, I found it rather amusing and went and paid. We then went our seperate ways for now. I couldn't stop thinking about her already. I hadn't got very far and she phoned me, as she was learning to drive her brother in law suggested she dropped me home. She drove me home and was listening to pop music I thought for a second oh dear. But it didn't really matter we both had different tastes in music and she had great humour and personality.
At some point my phone battery went and I couldn't find a charger. Once I found one I sent a really long text explaining my battery had gone etc.
We got chatting and was sending each other over a hundred texts a day. We were pretty much always together. At one point it started to get a bit rocky but we pulled through it and decided we wanted to be together.
We had been together for four months and I knew she was the one. We spoke about a family and decided we wanted one. We never looked back, no regrets to this day. None.
 Wifey had started to have really bad morning sickness which we recently found out she suffers from hyperamisis. The pregnancy was difficult for us both. The hormones created mood swings and that sometimes made me short fused. It wasn't easy living out of a box room in a single bed with no room. How we managed for so long is crazy.
We eventually moved to wifey's parents who had plenty of space and room.

When it came close to the big day, my father in law took us 30 miles to the districts hospital. We went to the hospital and was waiting for closer contractions. Wifey's waters hadn't broken so she stayed over night. I was not allowed to stay. I couldn't sleep so stayed up quite late playing computer games. When I went to sleep I slept for about two hours then my father in law woke me up telling me wifey had gone into labour. He drove 30 miles in about 20 minutes, when he gets stressed he heaves and had been heaving for months and I kept thinking dont heave know, haha!
He got me there in record time.
 We had a very long wait, wifey had been pushing for hours. From around 2am to 7am. She was exhausted she hadn't slept properly for days and couldn't physically push any more.
It wasn't until a specialist came to check and found out bean was stuck, she had the Williams curse of a large head and it was stuck so she couldn't be delivered. They had to medically intervene and had had a spinal tap. I couldn't be in theatre with her and I was pacing the room for what felt like hours in my scrubs. Wifey had to stay still for her spinal tap as moving with a needle going into her back could potentially paralyse her. Around 09:30 I was called in and wifey had to have a forceps delivery. It was frightening to watch and you felt so helpless. They finally got bean out and wifey had to have stitches I think I was in slight shock it had been a very stressful ordeal for all but bean was calm throughout. When they got her out I noticed she had eyebrows like her mother I splurted out she's got big eyebrows. I didn’t hear crying and started to panic. Wifey had to have stitches and bean was on the heated bed getting cleaned and checked. My heart started pounding I starterd to fear the worse. It felt like an hour and there was still no crying, was world was going dark. It was more like 5 minutes and then you get relieved by a cry, it was the most beautiful sound in the world at the time as you knew baby was fine.
We had a few pictures in our scrubs with bean then she finished looking after wifey.
Bean got dressed by the nurses and then she was handed to me. She looked like the world's most beautiful porcelain doll, she was slightly jaundice so she had a lovely skin tone.
We did nothing but stare at beanie for weeks, we weren’t interested in doing anything else.
It has been very difficult but but being a father is the best job in the world. Bean is now 3 and goes to play school and is very popular, she is smart funny and has the best personality.

Over the months after bean was born wifey's eye sight had been causing her problems. She kept leaving it and ignored it for months and put it down to blood pressure, and other things.
We finally went to the opticians after months of nagging and she had floaters in her eye. She had glasses but rarely wore them.

 Wifey had decided she wanted the same surname as me and bean, which I could understand. We had a bit of trouble registering to get married as we lived on the border of two towns, address of one town council tax paid to the other I don’t know why. So this caused a lot of stress.
We finally cracked it and the closest date at the time was December the 1^st 09. We set it and was married in four months.
As it was December it was our first Christmas with bean and it was magical. Wifey's parents do a great Christmas. Before I met wifey and her family I hated Christmas but they soon changed that.
 I became a Christmas freak like them I never had a Christmas like it.
As the months went by wifey's eyesight kept getting worse, I always told her it was because she doesn't wear her glasses. I went on and on about her going to the opticians. She kept putting it off.
 A year passed and wifey still kept putting off the opticians. We had decided to have another baby, and the pregnancy had made her sight seem worse. We eventually got around to the opticians and wifey was referred to the ophthalmologist. Wifey had her eyes checked and we found out her nerves at the back of her eyes were white and not red. We were told it could be a few different thing's, scary thing's, like multiple sclerosis or rarer body degenerative diseases.
She was referred to a neurologist and was sent for an mri scan. Wifey told me it was the most horrific experience she had to face, imagine a higher pitched commodore 64 tape loading deck. She showed me a youtube clip of a scan and it was horrific.
Wifey had to endure other test like a lumber puncture, an VEP and lots of blood tests, she is squeamish but coped very well. It has been a very trying time and a lot of pain and upset. Wifey was also still pregnant with Boo at the time and Boo had been through it all with her.
We both have a form of depression and none of it helped our moods.
 We were told the most likely diagnoses is M.S. So further tests and hospital visits happened regularly, we should have shares in doctors and hospitals by now.
 It was getting close to Christmas 2011 and wifey was not really in the mood for it, it is her favourite time of year and she couldn’t enjoy it. We had a lovely day though. On the 27 of December wifey was diagnosed with M.S. She was loosing her vision in her left eye and was told she would have to have a course of steroids to try to speed up the recovery process.

On 20^th of February 2012 we had an early induction at the hospital to start the induction,
Wifey had a pessary put in and was told this will work quick or wont work. After 20 minutes wifey's contractions started to get stronger, we couldn't believe it was happening so we called the midwife to get her checked over. Wifey had started labour she was given a tens machine and had to go for a bath. Contractions got stronger and midwife’s did not believe wifey at first, Boo was on her way! We stayed in the delivery room and wifey kept yelling to rub her back about a thousand times. Wifey started to struggle with the pain, she was exhausted her M.S was affecting her body. She had an epidural which took a while for the nurses to put in. After a while wifey couldn't feel a thing. She was 2 cms and was left for a while. Soon after midwifes came to check and she was 10 cms, we couldn't believe it was happening so fast.
Wifey pushed Boo out in 15 minutes. She had to have stitches again but Boo was crying straight away. Tears were streaming down my face and I was handed Boo, I couldn't believe we had another perfect baby, we didn't have the stress of the first time around.
We had two beautiful girls and due to wifey's condition we had been given a 3 bedroomed adapted property, everything finally seemed to be picking up. We even went to get a dog from the dogs trust as with my career I sometimes have to work 24 hour shifts, she we decided a dog would be good company and protection. The dog's trust do an incredible job.
The dog is perfect she was like a missing link and although we would like more children, it probably wont happen, we have to much to deal with right now so a dog seemed perfect. But that isn't to say in the future we wouldn't adopt, if we did I would like a boy as we have to wonderful girls.
Wifey had to have her course of steroids and we had to travel to the hospital for three days. It wasn't easy seeing her attached to an I.V drip and I have trouble telling her how I feel anyway.
She wasn't very well and I had to have time off work to look after the kids. Wifey had to stop breast feeding because of the treatment she felt awful about it. After a few days wifey was on top of the world, for a few weeks too. Then came the lows and trips and falls again her legs will sometimes just go because of the M.S Wifeys eye sight has been getting worse again and she has recently had another course of steroids because she is starting to loose the eye sight in her right eye so once again they had to medically intervene. It is once again a scary time and she has also been to she may have lupus which I don't really know what it is yet, she told me not to look it up as it will scare me.

All I know right now is that wifey is very brave and I am so proud of her but I am also very worried about the future


thanks for reading folk's